My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
