bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
