Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
