That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
