We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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