I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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