I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
