I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
