Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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