Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
