I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
