i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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