just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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