Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She is in my trunk
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
