where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
