as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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