She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
