Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
