idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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