he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
