Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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