dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
