my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
