Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
