I'm so fucking centered right now
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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