It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hippo gnu deer
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
