i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
