there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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