i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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