Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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