so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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