I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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