he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
