I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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