My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Help. Why am I so naked?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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