Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
