Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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