if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
