bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
