I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
