So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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