What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
