I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
