I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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