The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
