What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
