can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
