It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
