The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
