I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
