chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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