She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
