I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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