i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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